The Heat Movie Quotes

The Heat   (2013)
MPAA Rating:  R   –   Action,   Comedy,   Crime
Director:   Paul Feig
Writers:     Katie Dippold
Cast:           Melissa McCarthy  (Det. Shannon Mullins),  Sandra Bullock  (Special Agent Sarah Ashburn),  Marlon Wayans  (Levy),  Tony Hale

Additional Cast of ‘The Heat’ (click to open)

    • Taran Killiam   (Adam)
    • Thomas Wilson   (Cpt. Frank Woods
    • Nathan Corddry   (Michael Mullins)
    • Michael Rapaport   (Jason Mullins)
    • Demian Bichir   (Hale)
    • Bill Burr   (Mark Mullins)
    • Michael McDonald   (Julian)
    • Andy Buckley   (Robin)
    • Joey McIntyre
    • Ben Falcone
    • Kaitlin Olson

 

‘The Heat’ movie quotes tell the story of this film.  With a hilarious cast of comedians, some more recognizable than others, it’s no wonder why half of this movie is unscripted, off-the-cuff style humor.  In ‘The Heat’, two strong women in law enforcement (Bullock and McCarthy) are paired together to take down a drug lord.  We’ll understate this pairing by describing it as a “clash of personalities”.  With the recent uprising of Melissa McCarthy we know exactly what to expect with her brand of sassy humor, so ‘The Heat’ will no doubt produce plenty of funny movie quotes!

‘The Heat’ is set to hit US theaters on June 28, 2013.  For now, ‘The Heat’ movie quotes listed below are from the trailers but we’ll update as soon as the film is released.

‘The Heat’ Movie Quotes

***Special User Request***
I’m trying to remember the exact quote and need someone to help with it–”If you’re not in trouble you’re not doing your job.” — Does anyone remember the exact quote?
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User-Submitted Quotes, Thank You!
What’s your wife…a five pound bag of flour with a hole in it?..
9/10 guys I f**k are black!
Are you done yet!? I’m balls deep in boredom here!
Mullins: Fuck wit tattle tits
Mullins: You look like your going to set up a table and do their taxes!
Mullins: That cat took one look at your shitty shitty life, and said nooooo fucking thanks.
Well excuse the shit outta me!
Sarah Ashburn: what is she doing?
Detective: Looking for my balls…
Mullins:You’d better put a mint in that dumpster.
Submitted by: Darla
I’m sorry I don’t have poached eggs and rubies for you!
Mullins: Is that really what you want to say, cause your saying that out loud.
[to the albino man] You feeling ok? You’re looking a little pale.
Submitted by: Sydney Plott
These are her classy sweat pants! They don’t say “insert here” on her ass!
You’re covered in nuts…you’re covered in nuts.
Tattle Tits
Mullins: Don’t make me put this cat down and punch you.
F#ck Tart
Detective Mullins: I mean, who closes the door when they’re taking a S*@t?
You look like one of the Campbell Soup kids who grew up to be an alcoholic.
That’s a misrepresentation of my vagina.

 
Mullins: What’s wrong, you look a little pale? Snowcone.


Mullins: You’re giving her beauty advice? Do you even own a fucking mirror?


Mullins: I’ll kill her with your dead body!


Special Agent Sarah Ashburn: That’s how we do it on the streets. Word!
Detective Shannon Mullins: Don’t do slang. It’s like watching a nun make out. It’s uncomfortable.


Agent Sarah Ashburn:   Sir, I don’t understand.  I’ve closed more cases than any agent here.
FBI Agent:   You are a solid agent, but you’re not a team player.  None of the other agents like you.


Agent Sarah Ashburn:   Men are intimidated by the presence of a strong woman.


FBI Agent:   …hard to believe she’s single


Det. Shannon Mullins:   Give me your phone
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   Why don’t you have your own phone?
Det. Shannon Mullins:   What am I the Queen of England
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   I don’t know, does the Queen of England only wear sweatpants?


Agent Sarah Ashburn:   I’ve got to change.
Det. Shannon Mullins:   What’s the matter with your pantsuit?
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   It’s pajamas.
Det. Shannon Mullins:   I didn’t realize you slept in a tux.  Go ahead, get your top hat.


[to Det. Shannon Mullins, who is standing in the doorway of the interrogation room]
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   Are you about to be interrogated by an officer?
Det. Shannon Mullins:   I am an officer and that’s my perp.
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   Could you just close the door on the way out.
Det. Shannon Mullins:   I’ll shut the door on you.  Will you lay down here and put your head in the door and I’ll slam it about 157 thousand times?
Rojas:   Girl you better run.


Det. Shannon Mullins:   I’m going to make you bend over and I’m going to reach up into your pocket and get the keys to your house, and then I’m going to drive there and stab you with your own badge.  That’s what I’m gonna do.


Det. Shannon Mullins: How many porns have been made on this couch?


[Agent Ashburn and Det. Mullins are holding Terrell Rojas over a railing several stories up by his legs]
Det. Shannon Mullins:   I can’t hold ya.
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   Ok, let’s pull him up.
Det. Shannon Mullins:   No I’m not kidding anymore, I can’t lift him up.
[they drop him and he lands on a car]
Det. Shannon Mullins:   Ahhhhh
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   He’s alright, right?   [searching for validation]   That that that metal car broke his fall?


Detective Shannon Mullins: You are killing us out there! You don’t fit in!
Special Agent Sarah Ashburn: I am a federal agent.
Detective Shannon Mullins: Really, cause you look like you’re going to set up a table and do their fucking taxes! What are those?
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   They’re Spanx, they just hold everything together.
Det. Shannon Mullins:   Why?  What’s going to come popping out?


[Michael speaks with a very thick Bostonian accent, which is hard for Agent Ashburn to understand]
Michael Mullins:   Are you a nark?
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   I’m sorry?
Michael Mullins:   Are you a nark?
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   A nok?   [repeating "nark" how she hears it]
Michael Mullins:   A nark.  Am I speaking f***ing Japanese?
Mark Mullins:   Yeah, listen to him.
Michael Mullins:   I’m going to sound it out for you.  Are…you…or…are…you not…a…nark?  Like Johnny Depp from 21 Jump Street.
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   Ahhh, I see, I see, ok, a nark.
Michael Mullins:   A nark, yes!  What was I saying?   [agitated at her lack of understanding]
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   I was missing the “r” when you were saying nark.
[Joey McIntyre]:   What are you?  What are you doing here?  What are you doing?
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   I’m a Federal Agent, I’m a Special Agent.
[Jamie Denbo]:   Are you a boy or a girl?
Gina:   It’s a fair question.
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   Uh, I’m female.
Michael Mullins:   No Kiddin’
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   I’m all woman.
Mark Mullins:   From the get-go?  No operation?
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   Um, from birth, yes.
[Jamie Denbo]:   How do you get that close a shave on your face?
[Det. Shannon Mullins honks the car horn outside]
Agent Sarah Ashburn:   I need to know but I’ll be back, to, um, thank you…  [quickly leaves]
Michael Mullins:   Yeah, nice knowin’ ya.


Captain Frank Woods: The FBI has jurisdiction…
Detective Shannon Mullins: Nope, not in there
Captain Frank Woods: Will you stop?
Detective Shannon Mullins: Nope, they’re not in there
Captain Frank Woods: Knock it off, Mullins!
Special Agent Sarah Ashburn: What is she doing?
Captain Frank Woods: She’s looking for my balls.
Detective Shannon Mullins: Hey has anyone seen the captain’s balls? Let me know. They’re about this big. They’re like really, really tiny little girl balls, if little girls had balls.




 


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